A heartache no one will understand =(

There's never a day that goes by where I'm not hurt, somewhere in my tiny lil heart. I don't know where to start. I hate teaching. that's my point. So not my profession. But how do I speak out to my parents? The never listened to me anyway. Everyone thinks I'm happy as how I look. but no! Trust me, if you could feel me heart, its beating to the sound of pain. I just wanna break free for once. be appreciated. nothing I ever did made my parents proud. that includes all the medals I bring back every year. its all just sleeping at home.waiting to be noticed. I fake a smile so that they think I'm happy. I mean, which child would ever wanna see their parents sad because of them right? But somehow, everything I do is wrong. Especially to my mum. I've tried being her friend. but i always have the feeling like i'm a burden to her. there was so many times that i cried all to myself, blaming the whole thing on me. for not being the kind of child my parents wanted me to be. and no one knew. as usual. i couldn't talk about it to anyone as i never had done that before.i was brought up that way. keeping my feelings inside. i'm a good listener to my friends. but i'm not much of an expresser. most of the time, i even feel that my boyfriend doesn't appreciate me. i mean i know he loves me a lot. but he takes everything as a joke. he says i that i brag, i'm miss-know-it-all, i'm miss-everything-right and so on. but thats just not me. i just do things to make him be proud of me, just once:( but still, as i said everything i ever do seems to be so wrong. even the lecturers don't like me much. god knows what reason. i mean it can't be because i can't speak tamil right? oh god! life is a bitch! more like a slut! when's it gonna be like heaven? so many regrets, so many heartbreaks. haih. thats all for now. ~peace out~